Dear Sheppard,

I’ve never written you about your birth. Something made me wait, but I’m not sure what that was. Maybe it was your arrival sending our world into a whirlwind that I never imagined, maybe I had other priorities, but I’m pretty sure I wanted to have the time (and energy) to truly tell you all about it. You’re napping and I’m feeling nostalgic with your official birthday coming tomorrow so now is as perfect a time as any.

365 days ago I woke your Daddy up in a panic. We had a little over 2 weeks left before your due date, and I was bleeding. Panic set in. My plans to shower and fix my hair, makeup, grab a bite to eat on the way, well that was all shattered. Nothing in my books prepared me for something like that, and while I was feeling very crampy,  nothing that could be timed as I was told true contractions could be. Dr. Brown was on vacation (just our luck) so Dr. Favor (whom we of course also adore and was on call) instructed us to come on to check things out. Her guess was preterm labor.

We weren’t halfway down Highway 280 before Dece called asking where we were. Shep had forced her to jet to the hospital thinking that you would arrive within the hour and he would miss it all (what a typical man. Too much TV watching I think). We hugged Dece and Shep and headed to check in to our room. After looking into things it appeared that while I wasn’t in full blown labor, I was in pre-term labor and everyone guessed that you would be arriving sometime late the next evening. To relax, I was given Demerol and a plate of chicken fingers (yum) and immediately fell asleep. Your Dece and Shep headed home and your sweet Daddy left to get mommy a pizza slice and a double doozie cookie (my biggest pregnancy craving) while I snoozed. I feel I must tell you that this is all what I was told. I remember absolutely no bite of pizza or double doozie cookie, but Daddy swears he did so it’s worth documenting. 😉

Having photographed a session the day before, I made your Daddy also bring me my laptop to edit. Have you ever heard anything more silly? Looking through my “Edits” a week later I was blown away at just how badly I can do my job when full of pain pills. It’s also worth mentioning that I attempted to apply makeup which explains why most of the photos I edited from Haley are in black and white. No one needed to see your over bronzed mommy with 4 eyebrows. Note to self: hide makeup bag next time. I snoozed off and on until bedtime and was given an Ambien to help me sleep as the pains were getting a bit more intense. Still no active labor.

Less than 4 hours after taking that Ambien guess who went into full blown labor 12 hours before predicted? THIS MOMMY! I was bombarded with a pain I didn’t know was possible. I can only imagine that a non drugged individual would simply be on the floor moaning at this point, but they do it every day and that deserves a standing ovation! After playing Wheel Of Fortune (and kicking your Daddy’s butt even on Ambien) to distract me, bouncing on an exercise ball to ease the pressure, and begging the nurse, we were blessed with an anesthesiologist coming in and giving me the sacred epidural. I was so happy to see him (or her…..I was in the middle of a contraction so I was too busy squeezing the bloodflow out of my nurses arm as she helped me through it). After that, everything is a blur. The Ambien was in full force and I was sleeping beauty (or sleeping tranny – I’m telling you the makeup was a hack job). Haley had come to document everything and even Honey and Papa Bear brought me a yummy Starbucks to sip on along with the milkshake I’d been dying for. I realize I’ve listed a lot of junk food in the last few paragraphs, but trust me, I was already swollen from over 12 hours of fluids so what was a pizza and a few dozen other delicacies going to add?

Nurses swapped and we were now in push mode. I pushed for 45 minutes (sleeping between pushes) until I was told to feel your head. I have no clue WHY I thought that was a good idea, but I did and there you were. Now….someone give me a washcloth…….

Dr. Favor came in and within moments at 6:57am you were here! They immediately handed you to me and the tears poured down my face. You were perfect. You were right where you needed to be. You were ours. 3 years of dreaming, praying, treatments, and tears had become flesh. It was like magic seeing you for the first time. I knew you. You were just as you were meant to be and I was blown away at the Lord’s craftsmanship. He formed the perfect little person from head to toe and we soaked up every moment of holding you at that moment. 6 lb 13 oz and 20 inches of perfection.

After moving to our gorgeous suite and watching you get your first bath, Daddy fell asleep and I was living a nightmare moments later. A Dr. came in to tell us they needed to take you to the NICU. Your temperature was lower than it should be and your breathing (a little puppy sound we had been gushing over) was apparently alarming and could be a sign of infection. I watched them leave with you and screamed for your Daddy to wake up. Going on almost 48 hours of no sleep that was no easy task, but once he was up he darted down to see you and get filled in on what the next steps were. I cried and cried in the bed alone waiting on Dece to come as my legs were still too numb to walk. Once I was able to go down to you, I realized that the Lord had orchestrated this very moment for us years before and I was overcome with comfort knowing that He was there with us. Lauren Martin was there working and able to explain everything in laymen’s terms to ease my fears. You see, Daddy and I joined a small group at church for 20 something married couples 2 years prior. Everyone there helped pray for us through infertility, and one of the couples (Lauren and Chealan Martin) quickly become one of our most cherished friendships. Lauren was working at another Hospital in town, and needed prayer to get her most coveted position at Brookwood Hospital working in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. We prayed for her and that The Lord would put her right where she needed to be, and shortly after she announced that while she didn’t expect to get it, she had!! Talk about divine timing. I know that Jesus placed her there to be the light we needed at such an incredibly dark time. I can’t begin to explain to you how incredible your Heavenly Father is. He cared about you from the first moments we prayed to be blessed with you and continued to carry you in His arms even after you arrived.

I spent every moment in that NICU with you and was blown away that we were not only blessed to have Lauren around, but also in shock at hour gorgeous your room was. This wasn’t a NICU holding several babies in one room with a few rockers, you had your own room (as did every other baby) with a wall of gorgeous windows overlooking the city, a bed for your Daddy and me, and your own nurse every 12 hours. We were discharged from our room and stayed with you the last night until you were able to come home with us. Nothing was more magical than the first few days with you and I will forever cherish the first days we spent together still attached, just from the outside. I was yours, and you were mine. Don’t ever forget how loved you were from the very moment of conception. You are a miracle and your life was meant to be miraculous.

Xx Mommy

Birth photography by Haley Graydon Photography
Post birth photos by yours truly or the random nurse holding my camera