Dear Shep,

This letter is going to wreck my innermost being. You went to bed a baby, and will wake up a one year old. I’m a wreck. I can’t handle the emotions and I’m overflowing with tears every few hours. All it takes is a silly smile, a touch of my hand, or you laying your head on my shoulder and I lose it. I’ve had so much time to reflect on your past and imagine your future these past few days and I realize the enormous responsibility I have to ensure that you’re given the foundation to become what we dream and pray for you daily. I pray over you each night as I rock you to sleep and watching you in my arms tonight flooded my eyes with tears. You’re my world. I wish that I could have frozen that moment for longer than 30 minutes, but I know that Jesus was holding me tight bc you fell asleep almost instantly after giving me one last look and a smile. These past few weeks, you’ve been staying awake and going to sleep on your own after I put you in the crib. I miss you falling asleep in my arms. It was just what I needed.

I pray that you never stop laughing. Never lose faith. Hold hands and don’t be ashamed to say “no” when others say “yes”. Remember that you have a safe place in our home. Never allow fear to cripple you or steal your joy. Don’t believe the lies you hear and never internalize lies that are spoken about the person you are or will become. Rejoice in truth and make it part of your foundation. The truth will always be the best choice. No matter what. Protect the bullied from their bullies. Never make someone feel less valuable by the words your speak. I pray that the words of your mouth will be of hope and encouragement and never cripple the esteem of others. Guard your heart. Treat your body as a temple. You have one body, protect it. Don’t tattoo yourself at 18 with a symbol that you are certain defines you, don’t test your body’s limits with trying something not meant to be consumed. Don’t do things because you see someone else doing it. Choose your future by taking the steps that you need to climb to reach your goals. Speaking of those goals, make them. Make them for yourself. Never decide on a path because someone else expects it of you. Remember that our life is of one purpose, to increase God’s Kingdom. Use your talents, sports, your job, all of these as a way to witness to the lost. You are always being watched by someone. People will want to see what makes you different, so never lose the opportunity to show them just what (and who) that is. Wear a helmet, sunscreen, seatbelt, and life vest. Yes, you would look better without them and will definitely be more comfortable, but trust me, these were created to protect you. Surround yourself with friends who lift you up and help you achieve the goals that you set. Diminish friendships that pull you away from those things. Be the kind of friend that you would want to have. Maintain your friendships. Nurture your friendships. I pray that from childhood you treat girls as the daughters of Christ. Cherish them. Protect their bodies, hearts, and minds. Never abuse their love for you and remember that they are someone’s future bride. Treat them as such until they are your own. Speaking of your future wife, pray for her. I know, you haven’t met her, but pray for her. She’s growing up too and experiencing the same things as you. I pray that you experience joy with the morning and never rely on circumstance to find that joy. Always remember that it comes from within and maintain your relationship with Jesus who is the source of your joy. Finally, don’t forget about me as you grow up. Dance with me at weddings, never make me drop you off out of the site of your friends, be proud to call me your mother, and take the time to know me as more than your Mommy. Be the kind of man who sets his alarm to be the first to wish me Happy Birthday. Become one of my greatest friends.

Sheppard, you were created for great things. God doesn’t allow the infertile to bring life into this World for ordinary things. Make moments count. Capture them. Live in the moment. Put your electronics down and have conversations. Use your eyes to praise the Lord by viewing the life He has set before you. Don’t ignore it. Build relationships and make them priority. Be adventurous and show people what salvation is all about by simply watching you live the life before you. Never feel unloved, for you are more loved than you can possibly imagine. Make your life count. Every single day of it.

Happy Birthday Sheppard Holden Jones,

I love you Xx

Mommy