River Flynn,
You are a prayer answered. From the moment you arrived you have been such a gentle and quiet spirit that melts from human touch. You adore to be snuggled close under my chin and find rest no matter where you lie. To be born into a home with a toddler at the peak of his (mood swings we’ll call them), you fit right in and create a calm in the midst of a storm.
Having a baby the first time around is unique. There is confusion, a new normal that is incredibly different from the previous, and your body goes through emotional highs and draining lows that are hard to keep up with. You wish for the days that the baby will sit up so they can play independently and you can finally take that bubble bath you’ve been dreaming of, you hope that the baby will sleep through the night so that you can get 9 uninterrupted hours like the months before, and you try to delicately lay the baby down in his crib after he passes out on your chest so that you can have a little alone time to get things done around the house. With you? Well, the second time is just different. I happen to know that I will blink and you will be sitting up. I know that eventually you will no longer want to nurse and fall fast asleep on my chest. One day I will wake up and you won’t tuck your little legs up to your belly when I pick you up in the morning. You see my little River, babies don’t keep. So because I now know this, I’m afraid you may become a bit spoiled in a different way than Shep. Don’t worry Sheppard, you are spoiled in a different way than River…..
You eat every 2.5 hours and spit up on most everything within a few feet. You don’t cry. You just don’t. Sleeping is another story…..
Each night I take you to bed (you’re in the Babyletto Cradle right now) and we swaddle and feed and put you to sleep. Then it begins….You don’t cry. You struggle. It’s the only word I can think of to describe the sounds coming from your little 6 pound body. I’ve likened it to an obese man escaping quicksand. After about 5 minutes you are quiet again and we all get a few hours of rest before you are up to eat once more. I’m about to bust out the earphones and drowned out those groans here if they don’t stop soon.
You were 6lb 4oz at your two week appointment and had grown to 19.5 inches. One pound and one inch! What a little growing man you are. I call you Benjamin Button because your wrinkly forehead hasn’t quite filled out and you look like such a grumpy old man when you struggle to open your eyes. Did I mention you raise one eyebrow just like your Papa Shep? It’s pretty hysterical to see you show mannerisms just like him on top of looking like him enough as it is. And those eyes of yours. Those blue eyes. It isn’t the color I am in love with, it’s the spirit. You settle me down with one glance. Something about your eyes is magical and I can’t wait to discover just who you are in there. I know you’re made of some of the best there is.
Now, slow down. Stay little. Remember that you have all the time in the world to grow up, but for now just be my tiny baby and let me hold you for a little while.
I love you,
Mommy Xx
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