My boys,

Let me start with a pretty sincere apology to both of you. I’ve let life and moving and work keep me from taking the time to write little updates, and no one could be more sorry than I am. Your lives are what mine exists for, and I never want to forget a single moment or memory over the small things. I promise you both that I won’t let that happen again.

 

Now let’s do some catching up shall we?

 

River Flynn,

You will be TWO in two months and I’m nauseous over it. I always wonder if you’re it for us, and tend to try and keep you little as a result. Forgive me for it, but you’re still in little bloomers and I haven’t even attempted to take the paci (or BA as you call it) for that very reason. I’m slightly in love with the fact that despite hair beginning to come in, I can still revel in the fact that you truly do look like a tiny baby still bc of how blonde it is. It’s getting a bit thicker in the back which is making for some excellent bed head, and you love to rub it with soap in the tub (and dirt from the new yard) with your little arms making you look like the cutest little T Rex on the block.

You’re stubborn and not the good kind. I keep joking that I might should have started the shoe discipline thing with you earlier bc you are rotten at times (in the cutest way possible of course). You think the word “no” is a giggly invitation to continue and act absolutely distraught if you are disciplined in any form for disregarding the command. We’re talking genuine h2o filled tears that stream down your face and despite being incredibly angry with me, you melt into my arms for refuge from the mean alter ego mommy that just got you in trouble. You are so baffled by Shep’s newfound need to love on you and despite his efforts to hug and kiss you and check on you when you are down and blue, you tend to cry out of instinct the second he gets too close for fear that you’re misreading his signals. One of these days you’ll appreciate how nurturing he’s become with you. I know I do.

Food. Let’s just get all of the recent struggles out of the way quickly shall we? YOU HATE ALL THINGS FOOD. Candy, cookies (cook cooks), and anything coated in something outside of the major food groups is not okay in your book. I treat meal times like a tedious game show and stare at you using whatever tactic I’ve chosen silently thinking to myself a fist pump filled “YESSSSSSSSSSSS” when you take a bite. Even if you spit it out, it’s a victory for me. I swear I try with everything in me each and every meal, but sometimes I just want to heat some mac n cheese and sprinkle a cookie crust over it and call it a day. Shep can eat his raw broccoli while you swim in carbs. It’s my daily struggle.

You thrive in school, love strangers just enough to not hurt my feelings, and think that I hung the moon. On the stubborn note, you love your independence, but sometimes at the end of the day when you reach for my hand for help down the stairs I just grin ear to ear realizing that you get it. You know that you need me at the end of the day and you reach for me and it’s all warm fuzzes for this mama. You sleep like a beast until you wake up for some unknown reason now and again and your dad and I inevitably end up in a sleepy exhausted argument over who will have the best luck slipping out unnoticed after hours of rocking. We don’t mind it unless you do a repeat night, but since it isn’t often we are more than happy for the extra snuggles. I’ll give you this……you are my easiest to put to sleep. Hands down. Ever since you were tiny it’s just come so easy. You let me rock and love you until I’m finished, then asleep or not you happily roll into bed with your hands clinging to your night night’s tag and do your little roll to your tummy for sleep time. I just adore that you love sleep as much as your mommy and you don’t rely on games and manipulation techniques for sleep (cough cough* your brother).

Your funniest little tricks are:

-blowing your nose (you’re legit kiddo. You put big brother to shame on this one)

-showing your teeth for smiles

-twirling circles

-blessing the food followed by a nice clap to congratulate yourself for a job well done

-racing with a “ONNNNNNE TOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEE”

-giving love by offering your cheek to just about everyone and everything on command

-just like Shep with phrases like “where’d it go” and “there she is!”

You still don’t talk much. I was panicking by now with Shep and I realize with you that it’s probably my parenting style. If you’re anything like your brother I’ll be dying for these quieter moments here shortly, so for now I’ll just enjoy it and realize that you know my name when asked where I am, you just prefer to call me a grunt sound between your paci for now. I’m good with that 🙂

 

Dear Shep,

BEST AGE HANDS DOWN. Seriously. Apart from the occasional whiny voice episode and the panic attack too quickly when something goes opposite of your way (and the stingy rule that only one person can sing at a time) you are basically the sweetest kid on the planet. I get a big head every time someone else watches you (the gym or school especially) because all I hear over and over again is what a treat you’ve been to spend time with. You share so willingly and truly do show so much empathy when someone else is hurt or needs a little extra love. Today River dropped something on my foot and without hesitation you kneeled down to kiss it and make it all better. “granddaids” are your favorite accessory these days and you are often seen sporting two side by side to ensure that they’ve effectively covered the entire area that said boo boo resides in. You nap like a champ still (in bed with me most days which I am LOVING) and wake up pretty happy 90% of the time always wanting me to “hold you” and snuggle a bit longer until you’re fully awake. You love all things dip, “can cakes” and vegetables, and are very “brave” by tasting things even when they don’t look quite right to you. You love showing me your muscles after a big bite (which coincidentally you believe is your fist – we die every time you show us with inside laughter), and you think that you’re the boss of all things life.

The one things that’s always killed me is that you don’t like singing. You don’t want me to sing, or others, and you certainly won’t sing for me. Someone shows theyre enjoying a song or dance to music and you freak. You go mean kid and just refuse to enjoy it which breaks my heart and soul. I’m not sure where I went wrong here, but I just have always felt a bit sad over it. There’s a new show “big block sing song” on Hulu of little silly songs and you have loved it. You’ve always been good with singing on movies (“goovies”) but you aren’t a big fan of singing along even then. Well Mommy downloaded the iTunes album and WE ARE SINGING IN THE CAR. Not together…baby steps I get that, but you are obsessed and you belt it out at the top of your lungs and I just sit and grin (making sure not to be seen of course) and soak it all in. You let me have a song or two for myself, and always hog the caterpillar song (called “eat”) and “AHHHHHH” called better days for yourself. I just think you’re the cutest and adore hearing your sweet voice sing somewhere outside of bed time snuggles. Halloween is almost here and I let you decide what you wanted to be this year. You made Daddy proud and chose an Astronaut who would “Scratch the mission” and your sweet Dolly had a super cool suit sent complete with helmet and backpack. You’re so excited you can hardly stand it.

 

Thank you boys for making this move so worth it. Staying at your Dece and Shep’s made me realize that while we are grateful to have our very own home and things, we simply don’t need it when we’re together. You boys and your Daddy truly are all I need to get through the day and I am so thankful to have what money can’t buy. I just adore you two stinkers.

 

XxMommy