Dear Shep,

This one is all about you. All about how you made me so incredibly proud. Today was your end of the year program at school. One more year of MDO before you’re in Kindergarden and I really lose it. You’re my best friend in the world and while I’d love to let that take me somewhere else, I want to stop and tell you just about today.

Singing was never your thing growing up.  Performing wasn’t either. Too much pressure and while you love to perform on your own terms, anything with people watching/expecting/waiting/ and you clam up. Pretty much 100% sure you get that from me. But today I saw something else you grew into. Coincidentally I did the same. We learned that sometimes even when you’re nervous or afraid of what people want, you just buckle down and perform because it matters to someone.

Today you walked onto that stage with so many parents and camera flashes and waves from all over and looked a little terrified to be honest. Of course I only have horribly blurry iPhone images the ONE TIME I didn’t bring my camera along 🙁 – mom fail…sorry. Needless to say you had your nervous face. Not crying or sad, but a little paralyzed. Sweet boy, you looked at me when we spotted each other and after some waving, thumbs up, and huge smiles from me, you just decided right then and there you had this thing in the bag and that was that. You did the motions and sang like the sweetest angel bug right there in the front row and I could not have smiled bigger if I tried. I cried (I HATE CRYING in public of course bc makeup runs and my eyes turn black….just be glad that won’t be a life issue for you) BUT the point is ….. I BOOHOOED. I just sat there watching you through the black tears and thought of college and then cried harder. There’s something scary about being your mommy. You’ll see one day if you have children of your own, but it’s frightening and joyful all at once. I can’t explain how exciting it is to see you grow. My heart gets bigger each time you hit a milestone or a moment like today. The hard part is that at the very same moment, it breaks a little bit. There’s closure that comes with the exciting milestones and it shows that you’re on step closer to the next …… and the next.

I’m not here to gush or go on and on about how you growing up is killing me inside (it isn’t really…..well, it is a little bit) but I just wanted to stop in the middle of this insanely busy season (hence the lack of posts) to say that I’m proud of you. I watched you do something that may have seemed small to everyone else, but I know that for people like us it was huge. You alone made my heart grow a little bigger and made my life matter a little more. (and coincidentally you just came in on your Daddy’s arm to alert me that you needed a kiss before a last potty pit stop / aka bed time stalling….we’re onto you).

So sweet boy, I’m proud of you. You make me happy when skies are grey and smile when times are hard. You’re my piece of magic among the every day pieces and you make the whole thing shine. You just make me happy kiddo. You really do. You’re my best friend.

Xx Mommy

Video to come at some point bc I AM SO BUYING the footage from MDO. I mean, I couldn’t NOT buy it.