Dear Shep,

I’m typing quietly with the laptop lights on dim praying baby August (only 10 weeks old) can sleep through this letter. I’m exhausted and time is not a luxury I’ve had lately, but I know that one day I’d regret not marking tonight down in words to remember always.

Bedtime. For starters, since Auggie arrived, it’s been rough. I’m spread thin and you all go to sleep so close together, that a lot of nights I’m in and out and don’t get much extra outside of prayers and kisses. Tonight I got my extra and my goodness you filled my love tank right up. For starters, you wanted to do your “school book”. It’s a book we got to prep for k5 a few years back and you were so excited to be able to do the pages better than the last time we tried. You don’t like failing and school practice can get tricky, but that’s another letter…..

We did the pages and you were so proud. You kept glancing at me with an admiring grin and I knew in my mommy heart that you needed that side by side company from me. You’re a touchy guy. You like to have quality time with people you love and I promise to make that happen more than it has lately. It was worth whatever it takes just for those glances. We sat and did that then immediately you were ready to snuggle. We said prayers and when it was time to be quiet you broke into a rendition of “Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer.” You would pause for me to finish the phrases just like Daddy does and it was so stinking cute. Once we finished you said “I like that song. I like yesterday too. D you like to sing yesterday too?” I told you of course I did, but I’d like for you to sing it to me tonight. You whipped right back with “let’s sing it together okay?…YESSSTERDAYYY” and we went on and on into the “mmmmm mmm mmmmmms” at the end. Before I could say a peep you started into prayer number two. You meant this one and told God who you were thankful for. It was the usual Mom, Dad, Dolly scenario, but it ended with “and everyone in the whole city. I just love all the people in the city.” I’m not sure why the whole world is “the city” to you but I love it. I never want to forget that little quirk about you. You continued to snuggle me hard and kiss my forehead like a little protector between verses of the songs we sang. You kept telling me you loved me so much and giving me extra squeezes. Then you took your feet together to make a shape that looked like a crown and shouted “wait! Look at my kingdom feet” then burst into laughter with pride. You’re so great Sheppard Jones.

May not sound like a lot in writing, but the point is….I think we needed each other tonight. I’m glad we got a chance to just love one another and I cherished every moment. I thought about you as a grown-up one day when you won’t be kissing my forehead during songs or wanting our hugs to last longer than most. The hugs will grow shorter, then longer again, but for now they’re the kind where the minutes pass and I promise to soak it all in. All of them.

I adore you. You’re the greatest kid in the whole city Sheppard Jones.

Mommy Xx