Dear Littlest,

We found out about you last week (May 7) and couldn’t have been more surprised! I’ve felt sleepy….SO sleepy, I’ve been crazier than usual, and after having some sleep medication prescribed and filled I thought I would confirm what I already knew just to be safe. I’m not pregnant, I just stopped breast feeding, it’s hormones. Your Daddy brought me home a test and I quickly took it as he gave Sheppard a bottle for bed.

Positive

Excuse me? How? That isn’t possible. We are classified as “infertile”. We need treatment for babies. We have a one year old! We are not going back for treatment until Shep is 2.5. We can’t be pregnant. I’m happy, so happy that I see this miraculous act of God in the form of a positive sign on a stick, but nauseas just thinking about caring for Sheppard with another newborn. I just had a meltdown feeling that I’m not a good enough mommy to one baby. How can I be good enough to two ?

I immediately walked outside, called Dece:

Dece: Hey sweetie! What’s up?

Me: Ummmmmm I’m pregnant!

Then ….. I plan how to tell Daddy. How do I tell Daddy? I should use Sheppard and find some cute way to spill the beans. I should wait until tomorrow morning. I can’t wait an entire night! I should definitely wait until Sheppard is down for the night. Yes! I’ll do that. I’ll play it cool. I’ll go get the baby and put him to sleep. So, I walk into the room where your Daddy is rocking your big brother with his bottle….I’m playing it so cool. I’ll just get Sheppard and put him down while I think of what to say…..

Me: Ummmmm Joey? I’m Pregnant (insert happy and scared tear mixture here)

Okay, so clearly that didn’t go how I planned, but I was so blessed by how excited  your Daddy got. Shepaprd whined a bit wondering why he suddenly wasn’t number one focus at that moment (oh kiddo, what a huge irony) and because I told him at Shep’s exact bedtime, it meant that Daddy heard the news, then we were separated until Shep fell asleep.

I called Dolly, who already insists you are  a girl, then Carter because let’s face it, who would be more shocked than me at this very moment?

We waited another day for your Papa Bear to get in town and invited them over for a “visit” where we let Shep casually drop in on our conversation outside with the pregnancy test. Honey cried as always, and we all sat around shocked (yes,  me and your Daddy still sit around shocked) that this little miracle was happening. God works miracles. He knows what we need when  we need it despite us thinking we do or don’t or that our timing is better.

I’m nervous, hopeful, anxious, and smiling in my heart for the majority of my days. I’m thrilled to know that you are completing our family. Thrilled that you are going to give Sheppard the buddy that I have craved from him from day one. You guys don’t have cousins or huge families full of kiddos. Easter egg hunts happen solo and there’s no one little to show off your Christmas goodies to. Well, thanks to you, Sheppard now has that. I promise you that you are going to love him! He is such a great friend and feisty as ever. He will be the perfect big brother regardless of your being a boy or a girl. I just can’t wait for you to meet him.

Thank you for making me a Mommy again. I promise to talk to you often and give you 1,2,3 love pushes while you grow like I gave Shep. Talk to you soon.

Mommy Xx